Time Travel Is The Worst
I just watched the first episode of Loki, and Disney’s penchant for villianizing queer people aside, the show might actually be good, unless Wandavision was genuinely the only engaging series we’re gonna get out of Disney Plus. (Falcon and the Winter Soldier was fine, though I would have preferred a hot and smoldering sex scene instead of the incredibly awkward sexual tension Bucky had with literally everyone).
But this isn’t a critique of Disney’s obsession with turning the Marvel Universe into a PG13 Kids Bop franchise, its a critique on Loki’s plot line, arguably the worst plot line ever used in tv and film: time travel.
I don’t like time travel in film and TV. Its fine when its used in comedy, and it works well in comics when readers can accept that multiverse’s exist, but otherwise it’s always a hot mess.
I’m not here to convince you to agree with me, but this is my blog so i’m gonna tell you why I hate it.
It’s almost never accurate
And before you get all “Omg are you one of those people who can’t enjoy something unless it’s scientifically accurate?” no, I can’t Karen, because you and your friends think that 5G is killing you and that vaccinated people breath out spores that make you stop menstruating, so yeah — I’m gonna be on the team that gets pissed off when the science is wrong.
When it the science is accurate, the story rarely ends well
They don’t all end terribly, some of them just end, but none have ever left me with the feeling that I was satisfied with the story.
That’s because there are only two theories about time travel — that it’s possible or it’s impossible. If it’s possible, we either have no control, some control, or a lot of control. That’s it. That’s where the story takes you. One of four scenarios, and if time travel is a character in your story but impossible, then you’re making an indie film and no one cares.*
If time travel does exist in your story, then people are going to like it if they believe firmly in one of the possibilities listed above.
But for the few people like me, it’s incredibly boring to watch movies and films that try to offer a hot new take on the one question people have been trying to answer since the beginning of time: can you change the past or future, and if you could, what would you do?
Its lazy writing
Writers use time travel to fill plot holes like a cishet couple uses porn to fix their sex life: too often and without enough thought.**
It serves as a cheap way to keep the story moving without having to put any real effort into story building. The best examples of this can be found in shows such as Lost, and Game of Thrones — two of the most enragingly disappointing pieces of culturally significant television in the last twenty years.
Time travel is by far the most uninventive plot line to move a story along. That being said Ground Hog Day, Back to The Future, and Dark are the only shows/movies with time travel in them that I’ve ever enjoyed. A honorable mention goes out to Rick and Morty and Terminator.***
I don’t know if Loki will make it to my coveted list, but I’m willing to give it a try. The show has promise and Disney has the budget to make it good. Let’s see if they do the comics justice by fully embracing multi-verses, and lord willing, give us some humor along the way.
*I have friends that work in independent film, I know how hard y’alls job is. That being said, please stop using time travel as a plot device. Sincerely, someone who values the cultural contributions of Indie films but needs you to do better.
**Dear cisgender heterosexual people in relationships, please start talking to your partner(s) about what you need and want, or go to couples therapy. Sincerely, your queer friend who is out of relationship advice for you, and is tired of hearing you complain for the umpteenth million time.
***I’ve heard people say Dr. Who does time travel well but I’m never gonna watch that show so I’m not gonna endorse it. I have nothing against you in particular Dr. Who fans, so please, calm down. I’m not going to willingly watch a multi-season, mulit-series show about time travel now matter how emotionally attached to it you are.
